I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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