I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
