YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
