I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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