He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
