Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
