hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize