i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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