wanna go halves on a baby?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
