idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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