how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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