when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
