if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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