Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
