K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
