Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
