My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
