Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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