would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
