Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
