My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
