Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
