im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize