# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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