god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize