It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
