Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
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