God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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