He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
