around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
