oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
