I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
