Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
