dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
