Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
