just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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