I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
