This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
