I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
