haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
