I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
