I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
