Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
