yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
