you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
why didn't you poke me back
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
