"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
