I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
