Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
