Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
