he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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