were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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