I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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