the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
