Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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