Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
