is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
