There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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