I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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