I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
