Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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