well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
