if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
