He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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