Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
