Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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