Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
