Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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