We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
