After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
