He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
