dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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