I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
