I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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