so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just found a bag of teeth...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
