do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize