dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
