Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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