I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
