I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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