no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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