also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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